Let’s stretch out and take a breather my friends (smile). Here are some jokes worth a good laugh. (I took the liberty to make some very minor changes.)
Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing. The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green. Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man’s turn comes and he drives the ball. The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish. As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish. As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one.
Moses slowly walks over to Jesus and whispers over his shoulders, “I think next time you should leave your Dad at home.” Jesus says, “I agree, I agree.”
Three men are traveling on a ship, when they are suddenly accosted by the Devil. Sensing the fear, he proposes a challenge. If each man drops something into the sea and if he the Devil cannot find it, he will be that man’s slave. If the Devil does find it, however, he will eat that man up.
The first man drops a pure, clear diamond, and immediately gets eaten. The second drops an expensive watch, trying to impress the Devil, but still gets eaten.
The third man fills a bottle with water and pours it into the sea yelling, “You think I’m a fool? Try finding that!”
Pope Francis is returning to Rome after a speaking engagement. When his plane arrives, there is a limousine there to transport him back to the Vatican. As he prepares to get into the limo, he stops and speaks to the driver.
“You know,” he says, “I am almost 80 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?” The driver says, “No problem.” Pope Francis gets into the driver’s seat, and they head off down the highway.
A short distance away sits a rookie police officer operating his first speed trap. The long black limo goes by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The officer pulls out, easily catches the limo, and gets out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young officer walks up to the driver’s door, and when the glass is rolled down, he is surprised to see who is driving.
He immediately excuses himself, goes back to his car, and calls his superior. He tells the superior, “I know we are supposed to enforce the law, but I also know that important people are sometimes given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.”
The superior asks, “Is it the Governor?” The young trooper says, “No, he’s more important than that.” The superior says, “Oh, so it’s the President.” The young trooper says, “No, he’s even more important than that.” The superior finally asks, “Well then, who is it?”
The young officer says, “I think it’s God, because he’s got Pope Francis for a chauffeur!!!”
Some pictures speak for themselves –
Do you think we’ll come to this? Let’s hope not.
And some cute ones –
And when the day is over and you roll down your exhausted self to bed, try to imagine a simulation from one Cecilia Maggard as the music slowly comforts and lulls you to sleep –
“Close your eyes. Picture a peaceful field when it is dark. Everything is silent. The dark silhouette of a mountain range barely seen against the black sky. A light breeze flies past. Suddenly, a ray of sunlight stretches out from behind the mountain peaks. Before you, the grassland comes alive. You can now see the great hard wood trees dotted across the land. Caterpillars emerge from their tree dens. Doves awakening from their peaceful slumber, some soaring high above the tall, rustling grass. A lake, located near the center of the grassland, is filling up with fish. Ducks waddle down the shore, their young following them in a straight line, directly into the water as they learn to swim. White roses like spots on small bushes, the blossoms reaching above the tall grass. The sun climbs higher, casting more light across the great grassland. Rabbits and hares emerge from their dens. Small mice race through the grass, looking for some shorter grass to nibble on.”